MONDAY:
WEDNESDAY:
Wrote All That Data/All Them
Watched the sixth billie eilish interview with vanity fair every year. She said she likes watching it ever year? Is it bad that I’m slightly judging her for that?.
Gave me ideas for Kelsey (should i change the idea)& identity, have all these people come together that i’ve had playing kelsey or moodboard of kelsey.
Actually if i do call her kelsey, maybe have the kelsey i know from LJMU be interviewed briefly.
Call aisha.
I feel Kelsey is also that person that goes to London and I’m just all overwhelmed by it and goes under.
Kelsey finds the can and makes noise with it. Just our pure and basic instinct to make noise, and how that lead us down the path of instruments, sounds and all the way to electronic music.
That killed it somehow with digitising it. We’re going round and round in a cycle of history?
A part of me also thinks that I could just sell this idea as a formulaic musical with dashings of originality and punchy content, people would go “Oh yeah, they’ll like that”. But then they’d probably say I’d stolen from “We Will Rock You” – bleep it.
SUNDAY
THE PROPOSAL FORM:
When I had assembled the 4 artists (in spoons and jump react to the sound of cutlery on plate – react alarmingly to plate like a parent or teacher shouting at me or even as if his hand were to hit me. What’s that about?), I noticed how white they all were. Tried to have a gender balance with Margaret Atwood. So I gave in dystopian texts/novels by black writers, and found this list of Top 10 Dystopian Novels.
This one caught my eye, how the world of Kelsey was born out of what I will call now an abusive school system at St George’s (The system is much more abusive than the few people who really let it out, most people were actually decent). But I’m a rebel and I fucking went through it, that fucking cage, and now I’m out of it. And I saw what the UK, sorry England, sorry Britishness, really was like. Add that to bLindNation/Drifted Nations.
Watched the film “Introducing The Band”, a fan pulled up T-Shirt and had “Suede” written on their belly.
Could do that with me and someone who feels comfortable, but only absolutely. Others could write on head, kneck, arms, legs, cheeks.
FROM THE VAULTS:
Kelsey is terrified:
When Kelsey found the computer, she held it high and played it
But hang on, your earphones image!
But have both, start with computer, but she also turns the smartphone into her own baby, not just playing the mainstream junk, just to relax or awaken for work (and there are onl< 60 songs in the world??!!!!). those that censorship still allow.
Kelsey really enjoys giving it all to the people, performance art, being Dave Gahan in World In My Eyes. Really engage with audiences, but terrified at the same time.
Kelsey’s Politics:
I’m very politically active and socially aware of the world. Anyone can prove me wrong in class, and I’m the last one to get anything done because I get distracted, I philosophise on elements that are beautiful or inspiring to me for too long.
As I have just now ….
But yeah. It sometimes seems very easy to be black and white with politics, Conservative vs Labour pro-Brexit vs anti-Brexit, establishment vs rebels, Guardians vs Times, Telegraph and tabloids.
Whose word should you trust?
Sometimes it’s easier also just 2 despair and be like the Fenster guys, “Vetraue keinen einzigen in keiner Zeitung” because the insecurity and although I’ve given speeches, I’ve voiced my opinion on social media, at the end of the day “I’m not a person of opinions because I feel the counter-arguments too strongly”
So yeah. I’m gonna invent my own version of politics, the one and only truth. A community, an audience, a wide open club to give everyone purpose, a feeling, a reason to dance and die, to really give a finger up to the Establishment.
But i wont give the woman at the kaufland toilet money. then u try 2 justify urself pulling all ur resources on being an “artist”, it feels kinda weak and wobbly (comparison!!!) and u urself feel kinda fallible)
Will their still be poverty on street, and Kelsey realises that they’re not pulled in by (but free entry can lead 2 overcrowding and 2 disasters like Hillsborough and Love Parade, which the government, tragedy if there was a scene where it happened infront of her eyes. That’s when she has to install prices and Wachmänner, and it becomes a bit more like normal
KELSEY’S BOARD OF ISOLATION:
Was gonna be a moodboard but that was the only image i got round to putting in there.
KELSEY’S STIMULUS:
No matter what Kelsey thinks, does, feels,
She’s always asking:
WHERE’S THE REVOLUTION???
Why is no one crying out, and saying: This is wrong, this nice school we have is WRONG, this inequality is WRONG, this privilege and luxury is WRONG, the fact that I’m still doing it and doing it en masse is WRONG. How can these teachers where they come from support this?
but Kelsey also likes just likes to be angry, to be rebellious, to have a way, to feel that she’s being listened to, that her fans are giving her sexual, emotional intellectual satisfaction
We’re in a Christian hegemonic world
It happened to Dave Gahan, need to check up on that info on Jimi Hendrix
Kelsey is in sex orgies & drug ectasies to get even closer to the fans that are next to her .
Its hard to control this dosage if it gets to high, and its important that Kelsey remains the main provider. but she doesn’t, and that’s where it all goes wrong. her fans spread the drug to spread the culture, the fandom, but they end knowing how to make it, so they give Kelsey more and more
(Damn them drugs might have even effected Effy, or should I say Fred, or John. Such a common name, that rentboy, but his commonness is sexy)
maybe Kelsey should be intersexual, or generally in the play it shouldn’t be made clear what sex and/or gender she is.
“Deine Mutter” female voices in chorus at beginning and a bit at the end, actually yeah instrumental might be cool.
THAT PULLING VIBE, THAT RICOCHET, PULLS IN A CROWD.
The beginning of Don Henley’s Dirty laundry
“I could have been an actor, but I wound up here”
“You think you can mess with me, I’m satan in the chestnut tree.”
Kano – Home Sweet Home
HOW KELSEY’S ALONE.
On this bus going through Olewig and Tarforst onto the Weil of Gut (Will of Gut, a place?), god these bland people. Overtime I listen to the energy that comes through the strings, and it makes me wanna kiss all the people around me, all the fat people, all the (check Five Years) people.
Those boys there are so masculine.
HOW KELSEY VIEWS THIS WORLD SHE’S IN
Hello & I’m sorry
A salutation & a farewell
I don’t have much time, this time new roman is going to fly
From my fingertips like a plague of moth
The hollow back letter shells crunched into the ground like a skin of a cicada
This is all that’s left & you could do whatever you want with it
Keep it to yourself or let it serve as a warning
This city is disgusting, a corpse of what it used to be
The people are filthy, gluttonous, ruled by the power exchange of sex from the hands of the proletarian
To the bourgeoisie
The tops of the skylines with the lacklustering enthusiasm
The ground level is caked in dirt & rust & grim & the people who dwell there
Wake & rub the filmy layer off their lukewarm eyes
There are some here I love
Some who fear me, wish I was dead
I didn’t ask for this, no one asks for this
You’re born into it
You grow up oblivious of shelter & one day the evil reality hits you square between the eyes like a perfectly aimed bullet
If this were a movie
I would ride off in a blood red sunset down a stretch of desert into the wasteland that keeps us captivate
But this isn’t a movie
These are the badlands.
WHEN HALSEY HAS BEATEN HER LECTURERS SO SHE CAN START THE REVOLUTION WITH THE YOUNGSTERS (NEW AMERICANA STYLE)
Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise
Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised
Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it
Already choking on my pride, so there’s no use crying about it
(Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei)
I’m headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying that I probably shouldn’t be so mean
I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut
Straight for the castle
Oh, all of these minutes passing, sick of feeling used
If you wanna break these walls down, you’re gonna get bruised
Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it
Already choking on my pride, so there’s no use crying about it
(Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei)
I’m headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying that I probably shouldn’t be so mean
I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut
Straight for the castle
There’s no use crying about it [4x]
I’m headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying that I probably shouldn’t be so mean
I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut
Straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying that I probably shouldn’t be so mean
I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne that’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut
Straight for the castle
U2 – Cedarwood Road
“The foolish pride that sends you back for more.”
“This is my life I’m talking about,… I’m not speaking to the community, I’m not speaking of the community, I am the community”
And those people that are suffering are still there, they gotta stay there so to give creative stimulus.
- When someone challenges Kelsey’s authority, that she isn’t really representing this new community.
“We’re so quick to tare down our leaders. That’s disgusting, it’s scary”.
SHE FEELS LIKE THAT WHEN SHE’S CONNECTING EVERYONE THROUGH THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY (INSTAGRÄÄÄM), THAT SHE’S BECOMING MORE ROBOTIC (Like Janelle Monnae)
Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?
Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Do the people whisper ’bout you on the train like me?
Saying that you shouldn’t waste your pretty face like me?
And all the people say,
“You can’t wake up, this is not a dream,
You’re part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline.”
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there’s a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won’t leave me alone,
Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold,
Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you’ll never take the blame like me?
And all the people say,
“You can’t wake up, this is not a dream,
You’re part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline.”
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there’s a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won’t leave me alone,
Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold.
Kelsey also so lives and dies for the applause
[Verse 1:]
I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong
To crash the critic saying, “Is it right or is it wrong?”
If only fame had an I.V., baby could I bear
Being away from you, I found the vein, put it in here
I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Give me that thing that I love (I’ll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I’ll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch
[Verse 2:]
I’ve overheard your theory “nostalgia’s for geeks”
I guess sir, if you say so, some of us just like to read
One second I’m a Koons, then suddenly the Koons is me
Pop culture was in art, now art’s in pop culture in me
I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Give me that thing that I love (I’ll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I’ll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch
[Bridge:]
Touch, touch
Touch, touch now
Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo
Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo
Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo
Ooh-ooh
I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me.
The applause, applause, applause
Give me that thing that I love (I’ll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I’ll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch (make it real loud)
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make ’em touch, touch
A-R-T-P-O-P
ON FAME AND BEING AN ARTIST, Marilyn Monroe
Sometimes the work the work is so….
you know you try to be true
and you feel sometimes it’s on the verge of a kind of craziness
but it isn’t really craziness
It’s getting this true part out of yourself.
..and it’s very hard you know, and it’s not easy with me
and yet it can be very simple at the same time, being an artist,
Um, because sometimes you think: “Oh well all I have to be is true”
But sometimes it doesn’t come so easily
THE NEW BRITAIN IDEA I HAD FOR NEW AMERICANA
When the young have overthrown the rich. For they were depressed, not asked if they wanted to take part. Na they were overprotected.
High on legal mariuana, yeah and we found it, you couldn’t keep it hidden from us forever teachers! 😛
DRIVE
“California never felt like home for Halsey”
This world never felt like home for Kelsey.
“I don’t have to tell them anything. And I’m gonna write it all down, and I’m gonna sit it onstage, but I don’t have to tell them anything.” Because I’m Kelsey, I don’t talk about my problems, I don’t answer teachers about questions for my portfolio, I don’t justify me not doing work for school and being unorganized, weird, crazy, going off and one, sexually starved, emotionally too involved, not stable, that I feel the chains around them are really there to choke us. I don’t have to fucking tell them any of this, I’m gonna sing onstage, and I’m gonna make a difference to other people, I’m gonna turn them into my fans.
IDEA FOR SCENE. KELSEY DEFIANTLY SHOUT-SINGING AT MIRROR THAT SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO FUCKING TELL THEM ANYTHING, ON THE OTHER SIDE EFFY IS LOOKING AT THE MIRROR, REFLECTING AGAIN ON THAT ETERNAL STRUGGLE, TRYING OUT CLOTHES
I am a sinner
Who’s probably gonna sin again
Lord forgive me
Lord forgive me
Things I don’t understand
Sometimes I need to be alone
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
I can feel your energy from two planets away
I got my drink I got my music I will share it but today I’m yelling
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
[Verse 1:]
Look inside of my soul and you can find gold and maybe get rich
Look inside of your soul and you can find out it never exist
I can feel the changes
I can feel a new life
I always knew life can be dangerous
I can say that I like a challenge and you to me is painless
You don’t know what pain is
How can I paint this picture
When the color blind is hanging with ya
Fell on my face and I woke with a scar
Another mistake living deep in my heart
Wear it on top of my sleeve in a flick
I can admit that it did look like yours
Why you resent every making of this
Tell me your purpose is petty again
But even a small lighter can burn a bridge
Even a small lighter can burn a bridge
[Hook 1:]
I can feel the changes
I can feel the new people around me just want to be famous
You can see that my city found me then put me on stages
Really Kelsey? U believe that? U weren’t the one that put urself on that stage???
To me that’s amazing
To you that’s a quick check, with all disrespect let me say this
[Hook 2:]
I am a sinner
Who is probably going to sin again
Lord forgive me
Lord forgive me
Things I don’t understand
Sometimes I need to be alone
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
I can feel your energy from two planets away
I got my drink I got my music I will share it but today I’m yelling
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
[Verse 2:]
I’m trying to keep it alive and not compromise the feeling we love
You trying to keep it deprived and only co-sign what radio does
And I’m looking right past ya
We live in a world, we live in a world on two different axles
You live in a world, you living behind the mirror
I know what you scared of, the feeling of feeling emotions inferior
This shit is vital, I know you had to
This shit is vital, I know you had to
Die in a pitiful vain, tell me a watch and a chain
Is way more believable, give me a feasible gain
Rather a seasonal name, I’ll let the people know this is something you can blame
On yourself you can remain, stuck in a box
Ima break out and then hide every lock
Ima break out and then hide every lock
[Hook 2:]
I can feel the changes
I can feel the new people around me just want to be famous
You can see that my city found me then put me on stages
To me that’s amazing
To you that’s a quick check, with all disrespect let me say this
[Hook 1:]
I am a sinner
Who is probably going to sin again
Lord forgive me
Lord forgive me
Things I don’t understand
Sometimes I need to be alone
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
I can feel your energy from two planets away
I got my drink I got my music I will share it but today I’m yelling
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
[Bridge:]
You ain’t heard the Coast like this in a long time
Don’t you see that long line
And they waiting on Kendrick like the 1st and the 15th
3’s in the air I can see you are – in sync
Hide your feelings, hide your feelings now what you better do
I’ll take your girlfriend and put that pussy on a pedestal
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Walk out the door and they scream it’s alive
My new year’s resolution is to stop all the pollution
Talk too motherfucking much, I got my drink I got my music
I say, bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
Bitch don’t kill my vibe
depeche mode – the dead of night, when the Clockworkers go about the street.
We’re the horniest boys
With the corniest ploys
Who take the easiest girls
To our sleaziest worlds
With our lecherous plans
In our treacherous hands
You’d be wasting your time
Saying no, it’s a crime
All that we live for you’ll regret
All you remember we’ll forget
We are the dead of night
We’re in the zombie room
We’re twilight’s parasites
With self-inflicted wounds
We are the dead of night
We’re in the zombie room
Heavenly oversights
Eating from silver spoons
With our decadent minds
And our innocent lines
You’ll be playing our games
With your bodies in flames
When delirious fun
Has seriously begun
You’ll be down on your knees
You’ll be begging us please
All we’re demanding you’ll supply
All we’re accused of we’ll deny
We are the dead of night
We’re in the zombie room
We’re twilight’s parasites
With self-inflicted wounds
We are the dead of night
We’re in the zombie room
Heavenly oversights
Eating from silver spoons
the drug, the vibe
KELSEY’S TIMELINE
(Some of this might not be appropriate anymore)
TIMELINE:
As a kid or when she was younger Kelsey finds the ancient macbook, with all its chords on it, a real surprise for someone used to living in a world where there are just loads of monotonous screens.
She holds it up all the time, she didn’t have the earphones yet, and lets the music beam at her (Sigur Ros’ Yfiboro)
This Macbook, this music, is George Orwell’s diary, it’s the books read by Frankenstein’s monster
(HEY IT’S RICHARD FROM 2022, ACTUALLY IT’S NOT THE MACBOOK, FUCK OFF WITH THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT. IT’S THE SOUND OF CANS (COKE CANS? OH GOD YOU CAN’T ESCAPE IT CAN YOU)
By the time Kelsey was a teenager she was really bored, depressed and dissatisfied.
– So she joins the Clockworkers and goes on rampages
– She falls in love with the Christian Ida and joins their meetings
- She sits infront of an interactive screen that talks with her at set locations, and then asks her to share something that will inform the wider world, “Your using your privilege to educate people”
- She goes to meetings about big philosophical ideas, but it’s just wordy wordy stuff, similiar to what the Christians say, just all masked by the “deepness”
- She often goes to the swings, and listens to music (Finnish duo at GrAFiTi), she had a pleasant time with someone there.
- She listens to the music from the remnant hard drive from her now dead MacBook (she’s gonna recreate it for her gigs)
She sees how all the people who wait at train stations watch the videos from the charts and just don’t try and discover stories, they just consume and look at screens for communication
The Skirmishes by the Clockworker Suicide Squad
The Surprise Explosions all over the city
The More militant side takes over, more attacks
More attacks at iconic places
The birthday of a famous duke coming up, Effy’s agency warns all their workers to stay the fuck away from that celebration. Kelsey is annoyed she isn’t invited to a party that’s going on near it.
But people begin 2 understand the anger, and the misery
and then there’s a tragedy, Grenfell-style. It’s so devastating. But there’s a part of us that wants to see those in power abusing their status and not fully leading the people, THE GOVERNMENT, to be taken down. And we turn it into that, not just the attackers, but people generally feel together, feel a unity, feel a purpose, a cause to DANCE AND DIE against the “STRONG AND STABLE” Government.
But the Government takes them down, most of them are killed or vanish, or indoctrinated by the music video, something really sinister, those cencorsed films, propaganda
But Kelsey noticed the vibe, the energy, the MEANING of those crowds, and she’s gonna use it for own vibe, her thing, her gig, her
Kelsey has re-created a total retro MacBook for her gigs
She is super-obsessed with using every second and every experience to create something for her brand. Like that time a fan invited her to a brilliant “dinner”. And it was just a shit chocolate bar
Will their still be poverty on street, and Kelsey realises that they’re not pulled in by (but free entry can lead 2 overcrowding and 2 disasters like Hillsborough and Love Parade, which the government, tragedy if there was a scene where it happened infront of her eyes. That’s when she has to install prices and Wachmänner, and it becomes a bit more like normal like our concerts
And she’s annoyed that she can’t talk to all of her fans personally, so she now has a new plan, to collect them all part of “digital convergence”. She feels less connected through these restrictions at concerts, which makes her want to this digital connection even more.
KELSEY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FANS:
Those who really worship her
The mainstream fans, only want the one big hit
MR. B & THE TREASURY PREQUEL (?):
Drive makes me feel justified in my laziness and loneliness
That they can all fuck off, because baby don’t talk to me, nobody talk to me, they see right through .
Its such a cliche for the main character, but Kelsey#s an orphan. She looks for approval around for people, she’s like lured into believing this one’s her mother, and then there are these three she wants to be her father.
I continued this in Mr.B and the treasury and the rest
Mr.B could play Depeche Mode out loud, but when a student does it, everywhere in school, in the toilet/on the shitter, it gets weird and he becomes worried that his weirdness will become exposed, that was the start of the long journey to shut him down
Kelsey parallel to this had nightmares of being dragged away by all the teachers including her wannabe dad Mr.S, but then suddenly when she thought the ones walking towards her in the school corridor were gonna fulfil her nightmare, they drag away Mr.B, like the shock of Cinna being beaten down and dragged away to his death that was never properly confirmed, Kelsey will never know for sure for the rest of her life
Even the teachers don’t know what they’re doing, they’re just following the beat and vibe of the charts, then they lose their memory, and it’s all normal. He was a pedi or sth, or touched one of the teachers. POST-HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION LIKE THE SILENCE IN DOCTOR WHO??
BUT KELSEY WAS LEFT WITH THIS IMMORTAL VIBE,
and when listening to Soothe My Soul, she wonders, what have you done to me????!! You’ve infected me, you’ve made me impure, I’m forever imbued with the pain of this beautiful art, my loneliness justified and pushed even further to the fringe.
And you never even gave me true attention, true feelings, you never showed ur true self, you were just blunt and blunt and blunt and straightforward and blunt
I see youngsters drinking next to me, smelling good. I wanna join them, especially in the most privileged area. can’t speak their langauge, but I still get it.