OH MY GOD
I hate (Grammarlyadvices me to change it to “I’m not fond of” to sound more diplomatic, but there is not even a bone in my body that wants to be diplomatic at the moment) this project with all of my heart. Ok maybe I am dramatizing too much but this project is a pain. I literally had the worst week in the last months. The number of problems that I had with my project made me literally ill, because of all this stress. So let me explain to you what happened:
I already had the base of my project for day 1 – which was great, but the next day I decided to try to manipulate with bed sheets, so it will look more like a cloth. I had so many problems because apparently, you can not use the cloth modifier and the soft object modifier together, because it makes the Blender crash. I was already tired because of all of it and I was feeling ill (because two girls from my household were ill already and they infected me), so I thought that maybe I’ll try again tomorrow and it won’t be a problem if I’ll update two days at the same time (I know it destroyed the concept of the everyday but I didn’t think straight at that moment). The next day I felt even worse, but I made the two rooms again, and I decided to change the room from day one so the bed sheets will all look the same and will have a similar placement. I’ve even prepared the room for the next day! I was so ready, so I saved it all happy and exhausted, but I finally could upload it. And that’s the moment when everything started to go wrong. I opened the first projects in the Microsoft 3D Viewer on my laptop. The thing I saw at the moment didn’t seem to be a problem it was just an undeleted plane object that was a base for the bed sheets, that was just above the right sheets (I’ll try to find the screenshots later and put it here). I didn’t know that when you save your project in nomad sculpt, even the invisible object became visible in the final file – that’s why I still had the above-mentioned object visible in my final version. I prepared it to have a base that I can modify everyday, so the sheets will look different and still it will be the same, the right size. I’ve decided to delete it in Blender, even if I had problems with errors before. Guess what? I had the same problem with saving in Blender as before :’). It means that I couldn’t save anything. It made me so mad that I started just crying because of helplessness. I also knew that I cant open previous models on my Ipad, because the Nomad Sculpt programme crashed ( I could open only the newest one).I couldn’t believe it is possible to have so many problems with just a single project. I didn’t know what I should do. How to fix it. I was so tired. Additionally, I started to feel more and more unwell. After the call with my mom, whom I had some arguments with, I decided that my health is the most important now. That’s why I decided that I’m going to sleep, not going to lie I already felt like I was dying. And that’s only the beginning of the story. I know that maybe it’s unnecessary to write about it here, but I just feel like writing about it will take the burden off my shoulders. So like I wrote, I decided that I’m going to sleep – right? The problem is that I couldn’t fall asleep for like 2 hours. Amazing… Every time I closed my eyes I saw my project and the Blender programme All the lines all the grids. I was so stressed because I knew that I’m already late with updating. All I could think of was the 3D model. It was so exhausting – that sleepless night and crying all the time. I thought that I’ll watch some tiktoks, to just empty my mind inform stressful thoughts. I did it, and after 1,5 hours I decided to try to fall asleep again. It was already 3:30 am. Again – nothing. I wanted to wait for my mom to call her when she’ll be awake so I waited till 4:50 watching tiktoks. With every hour I felt worse and worse, because of being ill. And now, the best part: I finally called my mother and I said that I’ll make some Lemsip for myself in the kitchen. I took the phone with me, I prepared it, everything went normally. One thing you have to know is that the lock in my doors was broken since I moved in, so I had to keep the key in the lock in case the doors would lock themselves. This time when I wanted to go back to my room I couldn’t because the doors locked themselves permanently – even the key couldn’t open them. At that moment I had a full mental breakdown. You can’t even imagine how bad I was feeling then. I cried so loud that I woke up the flatmate that lives on the same floor as me. I had another argument with my mom and finally, I ended the call and decided to sleep on the couch in the living room. I asked my other flatmate to call the agency’s emergency number to tell them about the lock and then I fell asleep. As you can guess I woke up completely miserable, but I fixed somehow the project. What I had to do was start to add objects and move other from the beginning. It was easier than I thought. And after this I keep my project going well. My health wasn’t that good tho, because I had to start taking antibiotics, because I didn’t get better.
Now I am almost done with the project, and the next step will be thinking about the presentation and preparing the proposal form.
My conclusion is that it’s a terrible idea to choose something that you’ve never really done before for your project at University. I’m not saying that trying new things is bad, but trying them absolutely unprepared for something as serious as your school project. I think that for the next semester I’ll go with photography, because it’s the thing I enjoy and I know I’m good at it. I know I’ll miss it next semester, because I couldn’t take the exhibition module, so connecting photography with the IP project might be the best idea.
To sum up the reading week I can use only one sentence: “The worst week this year.”
I also signed up for therapy to deal with working and motivation issues among others. I’m sure it will take some time, but I hope it will help me to improve my working style and teach me how to learn with stress.
I also found Crime and Punishment movie on youtube, that I watched.
That’s a version with polish subtitles as you can see, so I don’t know if sharing it here will be useful for others. I like how disturbing and unsettling this movie was at some moments, but I won’t lie to you sometimes I was pretty bored. It might be because I had my curtains closed and it was dark in the living room, so the surroundings were cozy and perfect to take a nap.
OH! I almost forgot. I want to share some my favourite quotes from the book with you!
“Zresztą za dużo gadam. Właśnie nic nie robię dlatego, że gadam. A może jest raczej odwrotnie: dlatego włąśnie gadam, że nic nie robię”
“But I am talking too much. It’s because I chatter that I do nothing. Or perhaps it is that I chatter because I do nothing.“
„Ze stu królików nie da się złożyć jednego konia, ze stu podejrzeń nigdy się nie złoży jednego dowodu”.
“A hundred suspicions don’t make a proof.”
“Rozumiesz, pytałem wtedy ustawicznie siebie: dlaczego jesrem tak głupi, że wiedząc na pewno, iż inni są głupi, nie chcę być od nich mądrzejszy?”
“You see I kept asking myself then: why am I so stupid that if others are stupid—and I know they are—yet I won’t be wiser?”
I also have some more 3D artists that I found on instagram and I would like to share their works here.