WEEK 2

Listening to Billie Eilish’s sophomore album Happier Than Ever. Billie was someone, is someone who’s just been so thrusted into this musician career and lifestyle, how much by herself and how much by others I wonder?

She was 14/15 when her first really successful tracks were coming out. She gets a lot of flak for coming from a more wealthier background, people feel everything was given to her. Similar to Kate Bush in that way I would say. And then there’s all the comparisons with Avril Lavigne, remember some posts need to go find them. Someone said something on the lines of:

“Avril Lavigne uses 

I get really protective about her as an artist, cause I really love it. And why do people have to be nasty, 

There was also this thing of maybe the record label pressuring her to write a lyric like: “Might seduce your dad like..” when she was still under 18. Someone once said they felt that had happened. Billie has definitely opened up about how she feels she was taken advantage of in her young age, need to look more into that.

Getting Older:

Ver se 1]

I’m gettin’ older, I think I’m agin’ well

I wish someone had told me I’d be doin’ this by myself

There’s reasons that I’m thankful, there’s a lot I’m grateful for

But it’s different when a stranger’s always waitin’ at your door

Which is ironic ’cause the strangers seem to want me more

Than anyone before (Anyone before)

Too bad they’re usually deranged

[Verse 2]

Last week, I realised I crave pity

When I retell a story, I make everything sound worse

Can’t shake the feeling that I’m just bad at healing

And maybe that’s the reason every sentence sounds rehearsed

Which is ironic because when I wasn’t honest

I was still bein’ ignored (Lyin’ for attention just to get neglection)

Now we’re estranged

Chorus]

Things I once enjoyed

Just keep me employed now

Things I’m longing for

Someday, I’ll be bored of

It’s so weird

That we care so much until we don’t

[Verse 3]

I’m gettin’ older, I’ve got more on my shoulders

But I’m gettin’ better at admitting when I’m wrong

I’m happier than ever, at least, that’s my endeavour

To keep myself together and prioritise my pleasure

‘Cause, to be honest, I just wish that what I promise

Would depend on what I’m given, mmm (Not on his permission)

(Wasn’t my decision) To be abused, mmm

[Chorus]

Things I once enjoyed

Just keep me employed now, mmm

Things I’m longing for, mmm

Someday, I’ll be bored of

It’s so weird

That we care so much until we don’t

[Outro]

But next week, I hope I’m somewhere laughing

For anybody asking, I promise I’ll be fine

I’ve had some trauma, did things I didn’t wanna

Was too afraid to tell ya, but now, I think it’s time

THE CLASS:

• What Inspired us during the summer, I talked about National Youth Theatre & Pappy Show
• BORED ARTIST LIVING ON GORGEOUS WELSH COAST DREAMS OF BEING IN LONDON AND GETTING TREATED LIKE TRASH
• Introduction To Module 
• 7th Time
• 8th Time maybe I’ll do an Interpretive Dance in front of the presentation
• 10 minute presentation for Week 10 for the Proposal Form, Deadline Tuesday 6th December, made plans to have performance on 5th December 
• Come full circle? Everyday Theme Again
• The Everyday of an Artist, a Musician?

Looking at my notes & extra ideas for Everyday back in 2019. It’s nice as we’re back to “normal”. But of course so much has changed, things aren’t normal. My father’s dead, sometimes I feel around now Autumn 3 years ago was the best time I had with my dad. Fuck. 

*Insert screenshots*

Lloyd Roderick: Art History specific librarian/researcher?

QUOTES ABOUT EVERYDAY:

• “People die everyday.” – one of the suspects/murderers when asked if they are shocked by the murder in Murder on The Orient Express

Let’s get this party started

Let’s keep them 40’s popping

So just get buzzed and stay fucked up

• Song playing, in my head

SELF-DIRECTED PROJECT  – EXPERIMENTATION

RESEARCH

DOCUMENTATION

REFLECTION

CONCLUSION

Make a brave new world-like song about this holy pillar, these structures can torment Kelsey but they can also torment me.

Go around that triangle as a performance, Reflect/Research/

Experiment

I don’t like institutions, i don’t like structures, i don’t like academia, I don’t like Education.

Psychology Theory  

YOU NEED TO REMEMBER KELSEY IS ACTUALLY VERY SEPARATE FROM YOUR WORLD. OR IS SHE? ARE THEY?

*Kelsey Memo 2 during first Inter Disc session*

THESE FINE ART STUDENTS ARE LIKE ALIENS TO ME.

Headphones in ears again listening to BMTH to separate myself, Kelsey was sort of/is that spirit. And then there was Thomas Florence’’s 3rd Year Final Play.

THE SYMBOL:

I was doing a Cyanotype workshop at the Eye festival at Aberystwyth arts centre.

That’s when I realised Kelsey, if that’s what their name is, is gonna need a symbol of resistance

AND THEN THE ENDING

Watching a mini video on YouTube on Sonic Youth’s break-up. It got quite personal, between Kim Gordon & Thurston Moore, quite SAD that it ended on such bitter and in a way petty terms with cheating and a divorce & everything. 

THAT’S A SAD ENDING. AND IN THE VIDEO I WATCHED

*NOTE TO SELF. IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD PUTTING ALL THIS IN PUBLIC. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. YOU’LL GET THE ART AND BE HAPPY AT THAT. NO OFFENCE. JUST DON’T LIKE ACADEMIC STRUCTURES. 

THE LINK BETWEEN ME & KELSEY

If you just have Niamh and others as Kelsey 

Stress, overambition, worries, distraction, procrastination. Rejection sensitivity?

Have us next to each other

NOTE TO FUCKING SELF:

05:17am. I should be asleep. I wanna go to a theatre gender & sexuality lecture at 9am. Robert Wilson barely slept. Hes a maniac. Health. Do i have covid? I’m coughing and a bit dazed. Just one line.

What’s Kelsey doing? Two lines. Oh well.

THE DANGER OF AMBITION:

Watched this TedTalk

Found this YouTuber

YOU START READING UP ON THIS SONG & THEN THERE’S THIS WHOLE COLLECTION PEOPLE PUT TOGETHER ONLINE. AN ONLINE TREASURE HUNT. FEEL BAD SHARING IT BUT HERE IT IS: FROM THE YOUNG GODS, LARGEST COMMUNITY OF ALL FANS HALSEY: https://aminoapps.com/c/young-gods/page/blog/what-we-know-about-zach-merritt/PaQB_DgsmuMbjK2QDMNDpPqVV5rnk06rM

COULD CREATE A TRAIL LIKE THIS, THOUGH IT COULD LOOK REALLY FAKE AND SUPERFICIAL AND STEREOTYPICAL 

JAMES CORDEN talking about the taxi ride at 3am to someone’s place in London you don’t know where it is. To be in a car, loads of different angles. The constant waiting, it’s about what comes out.

The way to do this is to represent all the areas and times in between?:

• The taxi
• The backstage, make-up
• The rehearsals 
• The listening to music and research

I SEE THIS YOUTUBERS WITH SMALL AUDIENCES, AND THEY SEEM SO HAPPY. MAYBE THAT’S ALL WE NEED

*Include quote*

FAN VS ARTIST

Looked at the iHeart Radio Fan vs artist trivia videos. Had thought of this scene in the past

Option #1:

NEGATIVE AGAIN

Have it start nicely and turn nasty by the fan: “NO THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE!”. So fucking violent, give it a rest Richard…

Option #2:

MOVEMENT PIECE ON THAT TABLE. TABLE DUETS. FRANTIC ASSEMBLY. Also have In All languages influence that? 

BUT ALSO A HAPPY MOMENT. This is me trying the same thing like the Dogs piece back in Therefore, Animal I Am. But it can work.

Whether to perform in it or purely choreograph it. 

KINDA WANNA END ON A CHEERFUL NOTE SOMEHOW, WITH ROMAN HOLIDAY, THAT WAS MY IDEA ORIGINALLY, A DANCE BETWEEN KELSEY & EFFY RIGHT?

THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. THESE 2 MONTHS. I’M USING INTERDISCIPLINARY PRACTICE, I’M USING WHATEVER I CAN OUT OF THIS MODULE, THIS COURSE, THESE DEPARTMENTS, THIS INSTITUTION, TO 

BIRTH THE CHARACTER OF KELSEY. BUT IT’S ONLY HER BIRTH. I THINK HER STORY WILL CARRY ON DEVELOPING THROUGHOUT MY WHOLE LIFE AND CAREER. AND I’M NOT BEING LAZY IT TAKES SOME AUTHORS YEARS TO WRITE BOOKS. 

I’VE GOT TO CHOOSE THOUGH. LOADS OF SCENARIOS, THEY CAN BE USED ALL EVENTUALLY, BUT FOR THIS PROJECT ONLY SOME. FIRST ONE IS THE VERBATIM OF AUDIO PIECES OF ANXIETY. BUT THE ETHICS. 

I’M A BIT FAMOUS?

So yeah I did National Youth Theatre back in August. And we did a piece about Fame. It wasn’t quite my cup of tea:

But we sang this haunting choir version of this song which was quite fun:

*Pussy Cat Dolls*

And quite a few people I know and don’t know have approached me cause they saw it, it has xxk views on TikTok.

My little taste of fame?

I read this article while listening to the brutal sad climax of Forever….(is a long time) by Halsey, same story of when artists lose control to lack of willpower and money?

YOUTUBE REACT VIDEOS – KELSEY’S FANS

It was really nice seeing Nik Nocturnal reacting to the videos, showing his absolute love.

How about you quickly insert a YouTube live react or react to album during performance, how this affects her?

HOW THIS PIECE WILL LOOK:

To sort of draw this week to a close

• Tobi aus Bayern rings up. My old school friend from year 5 and 6 in bayreuth, germany randomly rings me up at 2am. He likes doing that. Makes a comment about my weight. Wish people would shut up about that. 

ANYWAY – HOW THIS PIECE WILL LOOK:

To sort of draw this week to a close, thinking about the staging, and wanting to experiment with live performance and film together. So I was watching the Devotional Tour, and liked the simplicity of Dave Gahan infront of what looked like 3 screens. But then it turned out to be more.

That can be something to try out in the Project Rooms, three projections. There were 3 projections in Liz Hutchinson’s work in that room in the MA Exhibition. Write to her about advice for how to stage the screens (I probably won’t get round to it)

But access to gig-like lighting is a problem. Could ask Jade, though I’d have to do it quickly. A film to showcase lighting in Emily Davis Studio, in November some time.

Will talk with Miranda at next tutorial about her multimedia work and advice for that.

AFTERNOTE:

One of those moments connecting with Kelsey, staging that:

When watching the Devotional Tour all the memories of Depeche Mode come back, how I got introduced to that music. By my Media Teacher Mr Burrowes, hello Mr. B if you’re reading that. 

Just that man staring all concentrated into that computer, I’m hearing Walking In My Shoes & Stripped. And I’m just there, and just like RIGHT NOW, I’m sitting at a Mac trying to organise my creativity and academia that my life and institutions want me to fuse together, and these figures of authority that I feel are/would be much cooler outside this school, this university, this system. I can’t organise my thoughts. But this man was just staring into the screen as the skeleton for you/Kelsey was born.

STAGE THAT:

Me

Mr. B on my computer

Kelsey 

CLASS:

More monochrome. More scribbling. Just words. I still can’t draw.

Artist 1 – John Smith:

Filmmaker. Narrator. Alters Reality?

“Wants to make work that looks like everyone could do it” (Source)

Don’t we like being acquired?

Artist 2 – Chantel Akerman:

Another filmmaker. Was in acting school for three months but got kicked out. 

Everything about the relationship with her mother, who went to the concentration camps. That silence, nothing is spoken.

Interview with her: