My 500 word conclusion of my project 200 minutes.
I’ll begin by saying that the physical components of what my project was ie, four paintings on canvas that each included several pictures, to be a success. I had a lot of pitfalls and struggle over the semester, so this project worked in conjunction with my financial and mental wellbeing. However, I would have loved to do more, I believe the audience would have appreciated the “wow factor” more if I had completed, say, 12 paintings. Considering this, I’ll continue painting and developing this project since I feel myself being drawn back to it and falling in love with it once more. Given that I’ve had this as one of my long-term objectives this semester, it’s an important piece of work.
I also believe this semester was one of the best for reading; after struggling and feeling uneasy with academic reading, I now have new inspiration for my concepts. For instance, this semester’s readings strongly supplemented my feminist inquiries into my own identity and artistic practise, establishing the conceptual framework for my project. One key example being ‘The Art of Tracey Emin’ edited by Mandy Merck and Chris Townsend. I was fascinated by Jennifer Doyle’s essay “The Effect of intimacy’ and its implication that bad sex was academic exercise that artist such as Emin moved through, to inspire not only her work but her public image. It reignited an unheimlich feeling of ‘feminine rage’ which encouraged me to explore women’s experiences and portrayals in art.
Furthermore, I was inspired to delve into the manipulation of my own image, the perceptions and assumptions of an audience. I did this by trying to curate a vulnerable and ‘raw’ image through my chosen still life objects. However, unlike Tracey Emin’s bed piece I did not want to over identify themes for the audience but instead create subtler ties to my feminist message. For example, the packet of crips relates to my toxic relationship with diet culture however, there are some objects with more obvious messages such as a bra which I chose because of its patriarchal historical symbolism.
I used these objects to help convey my feelings and deeper self-history. Though this was not easy, I found myself fighting with my need for perfection and producing nothing significant in return. That why I started my time trials, it encouraged my need to express myself while creating an environment that supported my learning difficulties (ADHD), while still composing something that felt unique to me.
Moving forwards, I will keep pushing myself further, attempting to use my practice therapeutically because it is my mentality that I must challenge and explore in order to make great work. Whether it’s battling systemic political issues or just challenging the inherent self-destructive uncertainty I possess, I now know that my emotions fuel me and my work. I am grateful to this semester for rekindling my need to be artistic, I will nurture the “pink punk wallpaper’ energy in the hopes that in it I will find comfort and value.
P.S- concluding my degree.
I also wanted to say separate from my conclusion that I walk away from university a very different person, I’ve lost and struggle immensely but I hope that I am better off for it. It is because of both the people close to me and the guidance I have been given in my 3 years here that makes me believe that maybe I have a future that I can be comfortable in. That one day I’ll be a certified artist and everything might be okay.
Thank you Miranda, I hope you enjoy your sabbatical leave.