Again, I booked the project room this week. I went there Monday morning before the lecture. My intention was to allow myself to feel more comfortable in the sensual and sensuous nature of my body.
The dangerous curve
This is the curve. I realised that it was a very important shape for me as I always tried to avoid it in the past because it evoked sensuality and eroticism. When I started to go through puberty, I was only wearing over-sized clothes because I was too ashamed of my curves. It was a sign for me that I became a sexual being as I went through puberty and as I could reproduce myself. I was ashamed of the curve of my back, the curve of my hips, the curve of my thighs, the curve of my bottom, the curve of my breast, etc. I used to think that the curve was synonym of danger which was a very limiting belief.
I’ve been feeling trapped in guilt and anxiety due to my limiting beliefs but I feel confident and ready to overcome them. I decided to embody the curve in the project room to break this boundary in my body and my mind. There is a lot more that I could do with this new shape that I discovered here.
After this discovery, I went to the little room that Miranda has arranged for her students to write down my reflections and continue my research on sexuality.
After this, we had the second part of the lecture about ‘Journey’. I had mixed feelings again. It felt like snippets of journeys, it was like I was switching trains at each station without reaching a destination. I remember enjoying one of the videos about falling. I thought it was resonating with what I am trying to achieve with my healing journey. Falling is about surrendering, allowing ourselves to let go without strings attached. Feeling pleasure is about letting go as well, it is about death. In French the word ‘orgasm’ translates as ‘petite mort’, little death.
I had a meeting with Chinasa Vivian in which we talked about artist priviledge, the audience, artist protecting themselves, performance, etc. Our conversations were so enriching and intellectually stimulating. I’m so grateful that Miranda introduced us.
I stayed in the library to continue my research after this. I have so much to learn and I believe that educating myself with knowledge will contribute to getting rid of my limiting beliefs. I think that my limiting beliefs are fuelled by fear (irationnal fear / fear that does not serve me) which can be fought against with knowledge. I would feel a lot calmer if I was wiser.
Later in the week, I finished my notes on one of the books which I borrowed from the library : ‘The analysis of performance art’ by Anthony Howell.
I went to the exhibition in the Arts Centre this week. The paintings of the valleys and mountains of Wales reminded me that I haven’t explored the landscape of curves in my body through performance. The exhibition of experimental sculptures have sparked ideas in me.
As a joint honours student in Fine Art and Creative Writing, I have to create a writing project by the end of the year. My writing project will be intimately linked to my Interdisciplinary Practice.