Déroutée is how I felt after this first lecture. I tried to find a word to express my feelings in English but this French word seems to be the most accurate. To be dérouté is the feeling of “being left on the side of the road, the route”, to be removed from the road…it doesn’t really make sense in English. It is a feeling of being confused, lost or of going the wrong way. I felt déroutée because I couldn’t really say that I felt very inspired by the content of the lecture but I couldn’t say that it didn’t leave an impression on me. I thoroughly enjoyed some of the works such as the parallel between Francis Alys’ Gren Line and Miranda’s 0.0018926244284047371%. I found it so relevant and clever to jump from one video to the other repeatedly. It felt like a complimentary dialogue which was interesting and stimulating. I would say that these two works are the ones that inspired me the most. Miranda carries the camera whereas in the paint piece, the camera is following Francis Alys. Miranda In the documentary in the glaciers ‘Touching the Void’ , our soul is torn as we are facing a traumatising experience, a life or death situation. One of them falls into a hole and breaks his leg. Making us aware of how fragile is our existence and how our body is a vessel. Our body carries us through all our journeys. endorses the role of performance artist and she films her experience simultaneously.
The lecture was an illustration of how broad the meaning of the word ‘journey’ can be. There was a progression in the lecture which became more and more triggering and intense towards the end. In overall, I enjoy these kind of lectures a lot, we get to discover such a rich and ecclectic collection of works. It’s incredible to get to see artworks without introduction, without preparation. It is just art and our most immediate and direct impression.
This week, I booked the project room to start my practice, I went there without expectations. I just wanted my body to find its feet for this new semester and warm up. I started moving through free-form dancing, creating shapes with my body. I got an idea of how I wanted my movement to feel like : fluid. Then I also got a sense of how I wanted all my body to be involved instead of focusing on one area. I came to the project room without any props or specific direction. My goal is to keep up a regular practice with my body to create a stronger sense of self.
During my tutorial with Miranda, I said that “I would like to make art about pleasure without making erotic art and without arousing the audience”. I realised that it didn’t make sense to dissociate art from the erotic as art appeals to the senses which creates an intellectual and sensory stimulation in the same way as pleasure does. I also realised that as a woman, it is even more unimaginable to perform with the body without being sexualised. No matter what the action or non-action is, someone at least, somewhere in the world is going to find it sexual and arousing.
“I would like to make art about pleasure without making erotic art and without arousing the audience” is the expression of a fear that I didn’t exactly consider before : the fear of pleasure.
It makes a lot of sense to me that I feel the creative urge to make art about pleasure because my subconscious mind was aware of this fear. I tend to make art in the areas in which I feel fear so it really resonated with me. My art is about transgression, opening wounds on purpose, identifying my boundaries to transgress them. It was quite funny that I had all these realisations during this tutorial with Miranda. The contradiction in my intention of making art without being erotic made it clear that I seriously need to reconciliate my relationship with pleasure in order to grow. Now that I think about it, I find it funny that a part of myself is so scared and trying to escape this other part of myself which is so engaged and strong. Yet, my passion for art and my urge to create are so much stronger than my fears.
Something else that happened this week, I have been accepted to the SHAPE project :