Let’s begin with a reflection on the art I made last year…
I have never been so satisfied with my work before, I can feel a real progression over the years which is very encouraging. I feel so lucky and so grateful to be studying what I am so passionate about and to be able to genuinely enjoy what I am doing. I still can’t believe that I get to learn in such beautiful conditions in Aberystwyth with such inspiring people.
My last project? Triggered triggered me…in a good way. It inspired me. It showed me that something was wrong. My boyfriend was telling me that something was wrong. That it was not normal that I felt numb constantly and that I didn’t get any orgasm or climax. I discovered that I had sexual trauma which explained a lot on why my art was so focused on that, why my body was sending me signals with vaginismus, yeast infections, PMDD, etc. It was all trapped in my subconscious mind.I started a hypothetical exhibition reuniting all the work that I have been doing leading to the realisation that I have been raped. It is entitled what happened happened. What happened happened?? as an anxious response of not knowing for sure what happened exactly as my mind had dissociated for years. But also what happened, happened as acceptance and grief.
After accepting what what happened to me with the help of my boyfriend, I have unlocked some parts of my body and heart which were totally numb after so many years. Through patience, understanding and love, my boyfriend gave me my first orgasm.
The natural progression of this psychological, physical and artistic journey seems to be love. Love instead of suffering, instead of stagnation, instead of numbing, instead of guilt and shame for having sexual pleasure. I still have limiting beliefs that keep me from transcending from the trauma and that keep me from reaching my full potential.
My goal is to keep navigating through the healing journey without expectations.
My goal is to fully empower myself through it.
My work this semester will be all about pleasure!
I started to create a website reuniting the major works that I have done over the year in one place : gallery | Portfolio (wixsite.com) This website is still under construction, it is an attempt to learn how to present my work in a more professional way. I am still learning about how to talk about my own work and its concept. Most of the time, I prefer to show it instead of talking about it. It is a real challenge as well as a goal for this year.